Although much of my thinking has shifted a great deal in recent years, my thoughts on being a husband and father have not changed much at all - if any. The purpose of the PF Change series of posts is to list ways that I am preparing myself and our family for what might be a significant transition in our lives in the years ahead. I thought about not including this role in this series of posts since it is not a new role created by the pending shift. However, for the sake of completeness, I wanted to list all the roles I plan to have if and when the time to make the leap ever comes.
BTW, I think my wife and children would laugh if they read this. Altough I do have these mission statements always running in the back of my mind, I fall extremely short of achieving them.
If I had to put down a mission statement for my role as husband, it would look something like:
Husband: As a husband I inted to:
-Model's God's love for the church to my wife
-unconditional
-sacrificial
-patient
-slow to anger
-kind
-keeps no record of wrongs
-protect
-trust
-committed
-Participate in mutual spiritual transformation in my personal life and as a couple and thus expand the kingdom of God within ourselves and our family
In theory marriage should not be a place where I hope to get my needs met. I hope that God uses us to meet each other's needs, but that should never be the end goal - just a means to the end of a closer relationship to God. I have much work to do here.
Father: In regard to parenting I believe it all boils down to this:
As a father I exist to model (to the best of my ability) God's character, competence, and intentions to my children with the hope and expectation that as they age they will transition much easier into a trusting, faithful, and direct relationship with their Heavenly Father.
Over the years I have subdivided many of the goals and associated tasks for these two roles into the following categories. Remember these are just ideas for things I could DO to help meet the mission above; they are not the mission themselves. Again, this is pretty sloppy; I am just copying and pasting from thoughts I have collected over the years. I stole the categories from Stephen Covey:
Love
-marriage retreat or conference - one per year
-marriage counseling checkups (like going to get a physical with the doctor each year)
-give a night out to my wife each week for her to refuel the tanks
-date night each week (or at least every other week)
-stay pure in regard to unhealthy thoughts or images
-plan well for birthdays, anniversary, mother's day, valentine's day, etc.
-daily pursue what is on the heart of my wife and children
-spend as much time (quantity is quality for children) as possible with my children each day
Lead
- disciple children (teach them how to grow in relationship to God)
-discuss each week's Sunday School lesson
-pray each night with them
-slowly introduce them to varisous spiritual disciplines as they mature
-discipline children
-focus on heart not behavior
-develop some skill building for myself in this area (read books, talk to other parents, etc.)
-teach my children skills that they will need to know in order to function well and succeed in kingdom expansion
-budgeting, investing
-how to make conversation / small talk
-how to golf
-how to defend themselves
-etc. I have a list of 58 things. If you are interested in the list, please email me. I would love to share ideas on this - anything not on the list that should be?
-help develop their character and values:
-integrity
-courage
-compassion
-respect for authority
-non-violent resistance when appropriate
-self-discipline / delayed gratification
-love for the church
-patience
-persistence
-optimism
-power of diversity
-simplify lives
-create rhythm (time management thing)
Provide and Protect
-live on budget
-invest in college education fund each month
-work toward long term-financial goals of becoming debt free
-create "death notebook": collection of phone numbers, instructions, insurance policies, passwords, etc. in the event of my sudden death
-have emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses
-carry disability insurance
-carry life insurance
-carry home insurance
-carry car insurance
-will
-find Godparents for children
-emergency preparedness in the event of global catastrophe (e.g. pandemic) resulting in JIT shutdown
-fire escape plan and drills at home
I would welcome any input that anyone has in regard to anything listed above.
Next Role: Time Management Consultant / Coach
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