Splinter Therapy

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Experiences

Below is a quick list of some of the experiences that I now see as part of my stewardship package.  In no way is this a complete list - just some events that have prepared me and even made it imperative that I move forward with the specific plans that I will outline in a future post. 

These are not in any particular order - basically stream of consciousness:

Apple IIc
At some point during my childhood years my parents bought me an Apple IIc.  I was fascinated by computer programming.    We received a magazine called Family Computing which listed BASCIC programs that one could write - they were typically small and had maginal usefulness, but it was amazing for me to see how it all worked.  I saw how it gave one the ability to create.  Programming also required much forethought and even some organization skills.  To this day I still buy books and magazines on computer programming - I am currently working through Access 2007 - Visual Basic for Applications Programming.  As  good as my current job has been to me, I think I should have chosen a career in this field. 

127
Just after getting married I helped form a ministry at our church for young, married couples.  At the time our church was motivated to get people into small groups.  I invested a lot of energy into this, but ultimately I felt like it was a failure; I didn't get the sense that lives were being transformed in the groups.  Simultaneously, I served on some leadership teams whose purpose was to figure out how to best disciple the body.  I felt like God gave me a structure that would do this, but it was never accepted by others on the team. 

MLI
MLI was a 2 year seminary-lite program that my church offered to lay leaders.  It became a safe haven for me to ask questions and explore out loud the questions about orthodoxy that had always troubled me.  There were several people in the class with similar questions, and somehow knowing I wasn't alone was very therapeutic for me.  It made me realize how much people need a safe place to really explore the things that bother them. 

Small Group
I have been in 3 small groups over the last 12 years.  I have seen God move in powerful ways in each one of them.  I broke free and truly began to follow hard after God in my first one.  I was part of a group that provided support and love to several who did not get that anywhere else.  And the group I am in now (last 7+ years) has primarily been a safety net for each of the people in the group as crises have rotated through each family. 

Willow Creek
While I was serving in a lay-leader role at my church they would send me to Willow Creek Community Church for various seminars.  Although I think the mega-church model is collapsing from within, I will always have a place in my heart for that church and their pastor Bill Hybels.  They taught me that God's Plan A (and there is no Plan B) is for God to redeem the world through the church, and thus "The church is hope of the world."  I also saw that church did not always have to be done "half-ass" to borrom a term from my dad.  They had a commitment to excellence in everything they did.  Many people in that church had bought into the vision and consequently centered their lives around what the church was trying to accomplish.  The results were powerful.  They claim that excellence honors God and draws people to himself.  I agree.

Windshield Time
I spend a lot of time driving in my job.  It has given me a lot of time to think and pray.  It is in the seat of my Ford Taurus and now Honda Accord that I have worked through many of the things that give my mind unease.  I was once concerned that I was not really learning any skills in my job.  I had seen apprentice electricians go out and start their own electrical contracting business.  What skill was I learning that would allow me to go into business for myself? I felt trapped into being a salesman of electrical products for the rest of my life.  I worked through a lot of this and realize that I have actually learned various skills in my job - time management, netowrking, giving presentations, art of conversation / small talk, etc. 

Knowledge Worker
I am not an assembly line worker; I am a knowledge worker.  My days are not structured for me; there is an endless possibility of things I can do each day.  How do I decide what is the best use of my time?  How do I pack more in to the same amount of time?  Since there is always more that could be done, how do I set boundaries between work and personal life?  Is there anyway to live in both worlds simultaneously?  In my 12+ years in my current job, I have spent a great amount of time working out some time management principles. Within the last year I feel like I found the last piece of the "time management" puzzle.  I have shared my philosophy and tactics with others and have seen fruit in their lives, and I have seen how much of a need there is out there for help in this area. 

Mighty Yellow Jackets
After losing to Pell City in the first round of the high school football playoffs for the third year in a row, one of our assistant coaches made it his personal mission in life to push us beyond where we had ever been.  For the next 9 months we all hated that man.  I remember throwing up on the track several times.  I remember my body being extremely sore 4 days a week - every week.  I remember banging my shins on this box because I just could no longer jump high enough to make it to the top.  All of that, and i was just a benchwarmer.  That season we went 14-0 and won the state championship - the first time our high school had ever done that.  I saw somoene push us beyond where we would have pushed ourselves.  I saw what happens when a group of people truly work together as a team.  I saw that all of us wanted to be part of what was happening - there was a magic in the air after those first few games when we realized how much better we were than everyone else (I even got to play!).  There is power in being part of team full of committed and passionate people, and each team needs a leader/coach who will push the team ouf of their comfort zone.

Networking
For some reason I have always enjoyed networking.  Here are two examples:
-hooking small group leaders up with mentors
-managing my personal contacts so that when someone is looking to hire someone or they need to send a prayer request out they call me to help them out
For reasons I don't fully understand I thoroughly enjoy feeling like I help others connect with resources they need.

Papers, Blogs, and Letters
Writing has been so good for me.  I was surprised to learn how much I enjoyed it and how beneficial it was for me to organize my thoughts.

CS Lewis, Ayn Rand, and Flannery O'Connor
A friend recently reminded me of the power of fiction.  It is hard to write a non-fiction book.  However, writing a story that takes the same principles and ideas typically expressed in non-fiction and place them into the context of a story is much more difficult.  My 10th grade English teacher (which happened to be my mom) always told us "Show.  Don't tell."  You don't tell a reader that somoene is strong; you provide illustrations such that the reader will come to that conclusion based on what the character says and does.  Telling a story brings ideas to life - it puts skin on the skeleton.  We are wired to learn and absorb through stories.   Over the years, I have learned the power of story from various authors, preachers and friends.

Well, those are some highlights.  I am sure I will think of others as soon as I post this.  However, I am ready to start listing the specific plans and dreams I have for the future - bascially the things I feel called to do in order to best invest the stewardship package (gifts, talents, passion, assets, experiences, etc.) for kingdom purposes.

 

   

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Gifts, Talents, Skills

Today I hope to cover what I consider to be my gifts, talents, and skills.  I put these three together because I have not come up with a clear cut way to define the boundaries between gifts and talents nor talents and skills.  If I were forced, I think my definitions would include terms such as "being" and "hard-wiring" for gifts and "doing" and "developed" for talents and skills.

My Spiritual Gifts - in order of their strength

1.  Administration.  I am great at planning, organizing and supervising others.  I would make a horrible pastor or president; however, I would make a great behind-the-scenes person.  I feel that I am gifted in knowing what needs to be done and how to get it done.

 

2.  Evangelism.  I don't own a Matlock type suit; I am not planning to have any appearances on TBN; I don't own a megaphone and stand on street corners telling people they are going to hell (I do a pretty good job of this while sitting in my car!).  I don't go knock on doors during "visitation night".  I don't volunteer my services for "revivals" that are scheduled months in advance.  I don't own any "4 spiritual law" tracts.  I don't know all the words to "Just As I Am", etc. etc. etc.

However, I am wired to share good news.  If I ever find something that works for me or has impacted my ife in any meaningful way, I want to share it with others.  That is what has been so frustrating to me about my spiritual journey of recent years - I felt like I have found the holistic / integrated wordview that so many people are longing for, but I felt like my hands have been tied from sharing it with anyone.  From an integrated worldview to the joy of owning a TiVo, to an impactful book or song, I want to help others by sharing with them things that have impacted  my life.

 

3.  Discernment.  I feel that I have a pretty good ability to discern the emotional state of others in most situations.  I also feel like I can tell (most of the time) between sheep and wolves.  I have always tried to put myself in the shoes of others in any situation and wonder how I would think or feel in their situation.  Also, I have always paid very close attention to body language.  I think the combination of these two things have given me a great ability to "read" people.  I am by no means perfect at this - I have made many misreads, but in the wide majority of instances I have been proven right in my assumptions.

Talents / Skills.  I am combinging these two things since the line between them is so gray.

I am always looking for how I am different from others.  What things can I DO better than those around me.  As an example, I have learned that in a group of 100 Americans between the ages of 15 and 50, I think I could beat 95 of them in ping-pong.  I made this bold claim at one of my small group meetings one night and then ate some humble pie soon after that after when one of the guys in the group took great joy in beating me.  Tasty.  Yum. Thank you, sir.  May I have another?  But, you get the point - what talents and skills do I have in my toolbox that i can use for kingdom work - here is my list:

 

1.  Organizing.  Not the most admired of talents, but I am off the charts when it comes to organizing things - from structuring organizations and teams to the top-right hand drawer of my desk.  I was still in high school when I purchased this great little drawer container - it was 12 little drawers contained in a grey, plastic casing.  Three rows high, 4 columns wide.  I took great pleasure in putting my paper clips here, my spare lead for my mechanical pencil there, etc.  Ahhh.  Good times.  I truly think that was the beginning of what has become an obsession of mine (many would say - including my wife - that I am a little OCD).  I think the desire to be organized is driven by what seems to be this constant fight I have against time - I am always looking for ways to find more time; so, being organized allows me to find little pockets here and there, and I never lose time looking for things.  I think it also stems from my desire to create holistic patterns of thinking and living.  I am always trying to assimilate information into patterns and hierarchies that make more sense of the whole as well as become more retrievable for future reference purposes.

 

2.  Time Management.  This is a kissing cousin of the item above.  From the daily tasks to the big picture, I have deveoped a workable and practical way to manage time.  From ideas I have picked up from various authors to concepts I have developed out of necessity in my job and family life. I think I have a workable, teachable, and doable system for being good stewards of the time God has given to each of us.  Our choices are too open-ended - we suffer from paralysis by analysis.  Most people succumb to the "tyranny of the urgent".  We are looking for balance - especially between our work and family life. We don't have any direction in our life.  The list goes on and on.  I feel that I have something to share with others here, and I can tell there is a huge need for it.

 

3.  Networking People.  For reasons I don't understand, I love connecting people.  I once was the leader of community group at our church.  At the time we were trying to become a small group driven church.  I was horrible at leading the group in many ways (most people confuse gifts of administration with the gift of leadership - I think I am very strong in the former and average at the latter), but I was great at connecting people into small groups.  Nothing gave me more pleasure than to think that lives were being changed in the context of a small group because I played some small role in putting them all together.  Don't get me wrong, many times putting people together felt like herding cats, but at the end of the day things always worked out. 

I think most people want to be part of team - a team where the sum is greater than the parts by themselves.  I thrive on helping to create these teams.

I also get a great thrill when I can connect people - I love it when deals are struck at my poker table; or, when I can give a recommendation to a customer when they are looking to hire someone, etc.  I don't know why, but something comes alive in me when I do this.

 

4.  Small talk.  This is not a gift.  I am not naturally gifted at conversation.  I am an off-the-chart introvert.  I hate small-talk.  It's just so, well, small.  I want to talk about deep things and matters of the heart.  I am inerested in news, sports, weather, but in only brief doses.  However, the world is currently an extrovert world, and I have to live in it and play by their rules.  As much as I hate it, every sales call I make starts off by talking about the fish on the wall or asking, "how's your momma and them?".   

They say some of the best baseball managers are those that were only marginal players.  Since they were naturally talented they were always studying the game as players in an attempt to get an edge and thus attempt to level the playing field.  I feel that way in this "skill".  By not being good at it, I have studied the skill of making light conversation, and I now consider myself pretty good at it.  My wife knows how quickly my tanks run dry in small talk scenarios; so, she is constantly amazed at how well I do.

   

5.  Ping-pong.  Despite losing to 1 of the 12 people in my small group; I still consider myself to be in the top 5% of all American ping-pong players.

Nothing to sexy or exciting.   I really don't have the gifts that most people admire.  I don't consider myself a good leader.  I am not a good teacher (at least in the traditional methods of teaching - like lecturing or giving sermons).  I don't speak in tongues (unless you consider Pig Latin).   

I don't imagine many people crying out in desperation for God to give them the gift of administration.  But, I love that I can play that role in Kingdom work.  I am very thankful for what God has given me; I get very excited about the ideas I have for putting these things into use for the Kingdom.

The last puzzle piece of the stewardship package is experience.  We all have experiences that make up a big part of who we are as people.  I will outline some of those in my next post.

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Passions

In my first post on this topic, I mentioned that I once heard a pastor say that your calling is the intersection of your passions and the world's needs.  Of course, upon hearing that I immediately thought I should start a ministry to Super Models. However, my passions run far deeper than the pages of Victoria's Secret.  Here is a list of my passions in life:

 

1.  The Kingdom of God
I am passionate about pursuing after God.  I think this includes always coming to a deeper understanding of who He is, and what He is doing in the world.  This involves a life of submission to Him and helping others to do the same.  I am tyring desperately to center my entire life around Kingdom Living.  All of my passions (at least the healthy ones) flow out of this one pursuit.  I am convinced that this was also the driving passion of all that Jesus did.

 

2.  Freedom.  One of the great paradoxes of a life of submission to God is the freedom it brings.  I believe God values freedom; He never forces Himself on anyone.  Therefore, I am passionate about freedom as well.  I think fighting for and maintaing freedom should be one of the core pursuits of every human - both in our personal lives and in our structure of government.  We should never force ourselves on others or allow others to force themselves on us or anyone else.  I truly believe that if Jesus were alive today he would resonate with the platform of the Libertarian party because it is only when we are free that we have the opportunity to be good.

 

3.  Learning.  Like freedom, I think a love of learning flows out of my passion for the Kingdom of God.  Everytime I learn something I feel that I gain a greater understanding of God.  I am in constant pursuit of obtaining information and analyzing experiences (mine and others) which I then attempt to assimilate / reconcile with my current understanding of reality / truth.  Interaction with others, Books (fiction and non-fiction), Documenataries, Movies, Podcasts, Sermons, The Teaching Company Productions, iTunes U, etc.  Learning is a form of worship to me.  I enter deeper levels of awe, wonder, and reverence anytime I feel like I have an understanding of reality that I didn't have before.

 

4.  Paradigm Shifts.  This is a close-cousin of the bullet point above this one.  Have you ever seen that drawing of the old hag that is also the picture of a beautiful woman when you learn to look at differently?  I love that kind of thing.  I have learned that most people react violently whenever their current understanding of truth is challenged or questioned.  I love it - more than anything else, I would say this one trait differentiates me from most people.  If my view of reality is flawed in some way, I want to know.  I have never thought that the truth needed to be afraid of anything - if it is TRUE, it will stand up to any test with flying colors and come out unscathed on the other side.  I think there is wisdom in always being open to having one's worldview change:
     -Only the scientists who were open to paradigm shifts were able to see the beauty and genius of Einstein's theories of relativity and the theories involving quantum mechanics.
     -It was only the people open to paradigm changes that were able to see the wisdom and truth taught and lived by Martin Luther
     -It was only the people who were open to seeing things in new ways that were able to accept Jesus as the promised Messiah while he walked the earth

In fact, I believe it is the people who blindly defend their current paradims who prevent Kingdom Expansion and the maturation of the human species.  Ironcially, it has always been the people who defended existing paradigms who harmed the cause they were so passionately defending.

Please note, that I am not saying that CHANGES in paradims are good things; I am just stating that we should all be open to paradigm shifts and even constantly questioning our existing paradigm so that we can come to deeper understandings of truth and therefore the character and competency of God.  Even though this passion has created more heartburn and anxiety than probably anything else in my life, I am so thankful that I am wired this way.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

5.  The Future.  I am doing a better job of living in the now, but I love to think about the future.  My interest in the future is driven by several things:
  -I love contemplating how new understandings of truth and technology will manifest themselves in the days ahead. 
  -I enjoy spotting trends, rhythms, and cycles and attempting to figure out how these things will play out
  -Like Joseph preparing for the 7 years of famine in Egypt, I want to be able to provide and protect my family in times of immense pain and suffering if such a time were to come in our lifetime (this is a topic all to itself).  Therefore, I am interested in anything that I think could initiate such a future.
  -I think I have a responsibility to prepare myself and my children for what lies ahead.  Wayne Gretzky once said, "A good hockey player plays where the puck is.  A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be."  As a follower of Christ, I feel that I have a responsibility to lead my family and anyone else who wants to follow into the future.  It feels as if non-Christian culture / secular society is pulling the church along like a Sherpa dragging someone up Mt. Everest.  Shouldn't those who follow Christ be leading our culture instead of the other way around?  There are many clues lying around as to what the future holds, but very few people seem to take notice and will thus be woefully unprepared to help themselves or others when the future becomes the now.   
  -I have always had a passion for biblical prophecy (especially end times prophecies), and I enjoy documentaries on Nostradamus, Mayan end time predictions, etc.

Like most of my passions, my passion for the future is both a blessing and a curse.  I feel that God has wired me this way to help others during transitional times.  As I contemplate what lies ahead, I am filled with so many emotions:  excitement, anxiety, anticipation, and nervousness.  Like a football player in the locker room before the game, I look forward to the start of the game - I am ready to engage with what the future holds.

 

6.  Passion to Create.  There is something deep within me that wants to create.  Creativity is simply figuring out how to manifest our thoughts and ideas into the material world.  I enjoy contemplating organizational structures that will better serve the existing needs of people.  I want to write a novel.  I enjoy the attempt to articulate my thoughts on this blog.  I have several ideas for computer programs I want to write.  The list goes on and on.  In fact, one of my greatest problems is trying to figure out where I should place my creative focus. 

 

7.  My Family.  Every passion listed above has been somewhat general.  This is my first really specific passion.  I am wildly passionate about my family.  You know those crazy parents at little league games - I "get that" now that I have kids of my own; you become irrational when it comes to your children.  Whenever I see potential arrows being shot at my wife or children's hearts, I feel the Rambo within coming to life.  I truly have to suppress rage toward little chidlren when I feel that they have said or done something that is damaging to my children in any way.  So much of what I do is driven by the irrational love and passion I have for my family.  I often wonder if they have become my idol.  I have no doubt that I would take (or deliver) a bullet if that is what it took to protect my wife and children. (By the way, I could not find a good Rambo picture; so I just used Photoshop to superimpose Sylvester Stallone's face onto  a picture of my body.)

This is a list (although probably incomplete) of passions that I have.  These drive so much of what I do.  They are core to who I am, and a big part of how I am wired. 

Tomorrow I will continue with defining my stewardship package by listing my gifts, talents, and skills; so, it should be a very short post! 
   

   

P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Finances, Time, Place, Health

In regard to my "Stewardship Package", today I will provide some detail on four fundamental categories:  Financial Assets, Time, Place, and Health.

Financial Assets:
-We have a roof over our head and food on our table every night.
-We have lights that run on electricity, running/filtered water, and a HVAC system that keeps our home at a constant 70+ degree temperature.
-We have no consumer debt and our cars are paid for
-Be prepared to be disgusted.  We have enough disposable income to:
   -spend $35 on our cable bill each month
   -spend over $1,000 a year on babysitting (one year it was over $2,000)
   -spend over $100/month in our combined "slush" fund accounts
   -go out on a date and/or get take-out every week
   -send our children to a private pre-school
   -spend more than we should on Christmas each year
   -go on vacations each year that cost at least $1,000 - typically closer to $1,500.
   -have a membership at the Little Gym for two of our children
   -have closets with way more clothes than we need including one closet with about 100 pink outfits in it (all of which will be too small in about 3 months).
   -basically buy any book, cd, or dvd we want whenever we want it
   -pay for a subscription to Netflix
   -have a Sirius satellite radio subscription
   -spend $75 on a cell phone bill each month
   -have a wall full of elfa shelves that support bins full of toys
   -subscribe to at leat 7 (It may be more - I have lost count) magazines as a family
   -buy electronic gadgets and gizmos (ipods, 3 computers, tivo, dvd recorder, etc.)
   -pay for any home repair problems that come up on a regular basis
-We own a piece of rental property and 1/5 of another piece of rental property with 4 other investors.
-We have two safety nets - an emergency fund with enough money to provide for 6 months of bare bone living expenses and a retirement account that my company invests and controls for me
-We have a life insurance policy that would allow my wife and children to live off the interest for a lengthy period of time (at least until the kids were out of college) if I were to die sometime in the next 17 years (If I die in an one car accident, somebody check to make sure my brake fluid line isn't cut!!!)
-Several pieces of nice antique furniture that we have inherited from our families
-A jar full of loose change which includes my poker winnings
-A book and CD collection that I could sell at a used book store for several thousand dollars
-A Takamine and a 40th anniversary Fender Stratocaster.
-Our two boys have piggy banks which currently have about $15 and $5
-Baseball card collection that is probably worth a few thousand dollars 
-At some point this year we expect to win the Powerball lottery.  We buy tickets with 19 other investors whenever the lottery goes over $100M.

In regard to the safety nets (financial and life insurance), I have often wondered how biblical those are.  Am I putting my trust in my ability to take care of myself, or is God providing for us by having us invest in such things.  Birds don't stow away in barns and Jesus sent the disciples out with nothing in their pockets, but Larry Burkett and Dave Ramsey preach safety nets.  As with most things I don't think there is a yes/no - black/white answer; I am sure it is a matter of our heart.

Also, one last note on the topic of financial assets.  I believe we have to see everything we own as God's.  Thus, I own nothing.  Therefore, if I know someone who has followed after God and it has left them with nothing, the reality is that everything I own is as much his as it is mine.  I am left with the responsibility of deciding what to do with the money, but my perspective should be one of communal possession.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think the government nor even a homeowner's association should be able to pick and choose how the money entrusted to my care should be divided among others - that is strictly my responsibility - I am the steward of my finances, not the government.  However, I should see my possessions (all of them) as kingdom property and thus available to all kingdom dwellers.

Time
Unlike money, we all have the same amount of time each day.  Since this entire series (P.F. Change) is about time management, I won't post any details here.  However, how we use our time is extremely important and it is becomingly increasingly more complex as we move into the information and conceptual ages.

Place (Geography and "Place in time")
-Like you, we live now.  It is the year 2008.  It is my belief that this is a period of significant change in the history of humanity - a change only equaled in magnitude by two previous eras in all of human history.  These are transitional times and thus full of anxiety, confusion, and conflict.
-We live in Knoxville, TN - a city of about 300,000 people in the full "metropolitan" area
-We live in one of the largest neighborhoods in Knoxville (1000+ addresses on the neighborhood mailing list).  The neighborhood is old and is thus in the process of turning over.  Our next door neighbors live in a house that is 60 years old, and they are the original owners!  It is also worth noting that we have a very organized and powerful neighborhood association.
-Our entire social network consists of young (30-somethings), white, middle-class Americans (not proud of this, just stating facts)
-We attend an evangelical church which has drifted over recent years to become more like the Southern Baptist church in which I was raised as opposed to the church I joined 12 years ago which considered itself to be the merger of two great streams of faith (Word and Power).
-In comparison to most people, I woud say that I have a pretty diverse (at least philosophically) social network: 
    -I have close friends who are evangelical, agnostic, deistic, and "eastern philosophy/religion"
    -With a few exceptions, I do a pretty good job of keeping in touch with those people with whom I  have crossed paths:  high school friends, college friends, previous co-workers, co-ministry laborers from church, etc.
-My job takes me over all of East Tennessee on business.  I have been doing the same job for over 12 years.  Therefore, I have several deep relationships with customers and dotted-line co-workers within a 2 hour driving radius of our home.

Health
-I am 37 years old
-I am not in a wheelchair.
-I am in possession of all my limbs, fingers and toes
-I am not aware of having any terminal illnesses
-I am 20 pounds overweight
-With a nap on Sunday, I exist quite nicely on 6 hours of sleep each night
-I can see without glasses or contact lenses, hear without hearing aids, smell, taste, and touch.  I am not aware of having ESP, telekinesis, or X-Ray vision.
-I am not on any medication
-My pulse is 61 bpm
-My blood pressure is 120/67
-My cholesterol is just over 200
-I have been to the emergency room three times in the last 12 years with chest pains.  They tell me my heart is fine (done EKGs, stress tests, etc.), but something doesn't feel right.  In fact, I have an appointment with a cardiologist in just over a week.  Each year I have about three month long periods of chest pains (typically at night).
-With the exception of the chest pain concern and being a little overweight (working on solutions to both of those things right now), I would say that I am in pretty good health.
-I think it is worth mentioning here that I have the body of Adonis. People come over to clean their clothes on my washboard abs.  I often get mistaken for Matthew McConaughey, and I routinely turn down offers to become an underwear model.

Well, there are the first 4 pieces of my stewardship package:  Financial Assets, Place, Time, and Health.  I am guessing that this is not too different from most of the people reading this blog.  The next pieces of the package are things that help us better identify how we are all uniquely created:  Passions, Spiritual Gifts, Talents/Skills, and Experiences.  I will dig into these one at a time in the upcoming posts. 

2008 P.F. Change - Identifying the Needs - Transcendence

In my last few posts I have mentioned how I feel that God has put some things in my heart to consider pursuing.  Not always, but many times I think we are called to recognize the needs around us and then figure out how to use what has been given to us (what I call our stewardship package) to meet those needs.  If done for God' glory and in response to God's prompting, then this intersection of needs with our stewardship package is how each of us can make the biggest impact for the Kingdom of God.

In my next set of posts I will outline the needs that capture my attention the most: 

The Needs - Introduction
Interestingly enough, I think we most notice the needs for which our stewardship package is designed for meeting.  I also believe we recognize, tune, and grow in areas based on the needs we see.  So, recognizing needs and understanding our stewardship packages don't exist in a vacuum.  They work in ever increasing synchronicity - like dance partners.  I mention this because there are a lot of needs out there that I won't be listing (world hunger, health issues such as aids, cancer, etc., overloaded prisons, etc.). 

There is another reason I don't list what many would consider to be obvious "needs" - I think many of the needs listed by our politicians and preachers are symptoms and not root causes (e.g. - overloaded prisons, obesity, etc.). 

With those two disclaimers, I begin the list of needs that capture my attention.  Here is the first one:

Need #1:  Desire for Transcendence
We all desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves.  We are all looking for a bigger story in which we can play a part.  We are all searching for a way our lives can have meaning.

I believe that this is a God-given desire shared by all of humanity - regardless of time or culture.  In fact, I don't believe he "gives" it to us.  I think this desire is the result of turning to other things for meaning and significance in our lives.  The desire for transcendence is simply the gravity pulling us back toward God as we foolishly try jumping toward other things.

More people are beginning to realize that many of the things on which they placed their hope and desire for meaning hasn't worked.  Here is a list of a few failed / failing attempts of our culture to find transcendence outside of God: 

a.  The attempt to save ourselves – the death of Modernity.  We now know the universe is not as mechanistic and predictable as we once thought.  Science and technology have not brought us the utopia that was promised by those who ushered in “The Enlightenment”.  Certainty and control are wobbling in the knees and will fade in time with each generation that passes.

 

b.  Institutional religion.  With increasing frequency people who have gone to church their entire lives are noticing very little transformation in their life or in the lives of those around them.  Instead of blaming themselves for their repeated attempts to have a consistent quiet time, they are wondering if there is something wrong at the core of the church itself.  On the surface, the evangelical churches look very successful, but I believe that is just the larger churches assimilating people who have left the small, Baptist churches just as Wal-Mart and Home Depot are putting the mom and pop stores out of business.

 

c.  Fame and Fortune. 
We have seen the self-destruction of our wealthiest and most famous personalities since the introduction of films and television.  We did not learn from watching them.  We now live in an age of abundance, and most people are learning from their own experience that materialism doesn't fill the God- hole.  Here is a quote from the book A Whole New Mind:

"Abundance has brought many beautiful things to our lives, but that bevy of material goods has not necessarily made us much happier.  The paradox of prosperity is that while living standards have risen steadily decade after decade, personal, family, and life satisfaction haven't budged.  That's why more people - liberated from prosperity but not fulfilled by it - are resolving the paradox by searching for meaning.  As Andrew Delbanco puts it, 'The most striking feature of contemporary culture is the unslaked craving for transcendence."

 

d.  Ostriches. 
There is a group of people who live in denial of the call for transcendence in their lives.  These people do all they can to drown out the inner voice that we all hear - drugs, shopping, overeating, pornography, alcohol, are just  some of the behaviors that capture addicts into believing that they can fill that need in their lives.

 

e.  Superficial Existences. 
For example:  Sports are a wonderful part of our culture.  However, so many people make their association with a team or school a part of their core identity.  By associating with a sports team, one is given the chance to be part of something bigger than themselves – there are 100,000+ people Neyland Stadium for every home game!  I believe the generations behind me will be much less interested in placing their hope for meaning and search for transcendence in such superficial meta-narratives.

Simply, at an accelerated pace, people are realizing that they have put false hope in people, places, and things.  Even those who looked for transcendence in God are realizing that how they attempted to do that did not work for them.  It has a left a vacuum in our society.  As a result many feel ungrounded, insecure, and anxious as this core needs continues to go unmet.

Tomorrow’s Post:  Needs 2 – 5
Remaining Posts on the topic of P.F. Change:
-My Stewardship Package
-My Vision / Ideas on how My Stewardship Package intersects with the needs I have listed
-Conversation with myself

2008 - P.F. Change - The Details

I need to begin preparing now if/when I ever feel confident that God is calling me to leave my current empolyment to pursue kingdom building activities that are more in alignment with my stewardship package.  If I need to step out of the boat to walk on water, then I want my swimsuit on just in case I mistook God's voice for my own ego wanting to satisfy itself.  That being said, here is a list of things I feel that I should do in the small chance that day ever comes:

1.  Prayer for Heart Alignment
My biggest fear in all this is the conflict that I feel that it might create at home.  My family (including myself) has become addicted to the lifestyle we live right now.  If I were to ever pursue other opportunities, then I hope that our hearts are all in alignmnet.  Only God can change a human heart; so, I must be diligent in my prayers for this.  Of course, I need to be open to the idea that it is my heart that needs changing, not my wife and children.  Leaving to follow what I think is God's prompting could be one of the most exciting and exhilirating things we ever do as a family, or it could be one of the most defeating, heart-wrenching, dividing experiences we ever have.  It all depends on what God does with our hearts, and the only role I have in that is through prayer.

2.  Leave my job well
I could not work for a better company.  My wife and I refer to it as The Firm but without the mafia ties.  It is a small, employee-owned business that feels like a family in many regards.  I could not ask to be treated any better than I am - paid well, unbelievable benefits, great boss, good people, good products to sell, work out of my home (blessing and curse), etc.  For what we do, we are the envy of the industry.  (Leaving this job to pursue "other activities" is what seems so foolish to me others. Most people would sell their soul for a job like mine.)  Therefore, if I ever feel the need to leave, I want to leave well.  For me, that means:
-waiting until they find my replacement and then give him/her an adequate introduction to the territory
-have my database cleaned up and organized
-tie up any loose ends that woud create immediate conflicts for my replacement
-do as much missionary work in the territory that I can so as not to overload my replacement with time consuming, but often unfruitful tasks

3.   Lean and Mean Living - The Tryout
To leave for other things would most likely mean a huge sacrifice in the amount of money we have at our disposal.  Therefore, I thought it might be a good idea to live off a lean and mean budget for a month or two to get a glimpse of how difficult it might be.  I also think it would help us to know what changes need to be made (get rid of cable?  need to move to smaller house?, etc.) so that we don't burden ourselves with unnecessary worries and anxiety.  Thus, I would like to:
-come up with two budgets - one that is lean and mean, one that is worst-case scenario
-set a date months in advance to try living on the lean and mean budget for a few months and see what we can learn from the experience
-make a priority list of things we can remove from our lives to reduce cost such that we can drop things one at a time or in clumps if necessary.

4.  Find a mentor
There is much about the business world I don't understand.  Instead of clearing a path in the jungle with my machete, I want to find at least one person who would be willing to show me paths in the jungle that have already been made.  I need help in two areas:
a.  Logistics of setting up a business
-insurance for self-employed
-taxes / social security / etc.
-licenses
-BBB?
-Chamber of Commerce?
b.  Decision making - I would love someone that could give great advice on:
-pitfalls to avoid
-fundamental things that prove successful (blocking and tackling)
-I need constructive criticism for any ideas that I have, not blind encouragement

5.  Put my toe in the water
Instead of diving head first, I think it might be a good idea to launch some trial balloons and see what happens.  Taking the leap for me would most likely mean taking on multiple new roles.  I would like to explore each of the roles by doing some trial run activities and see what happens.   
-Does the perceived need really exist?
-Do I truly have the ability to help meet those needs, or am I fooling myself?
-What wrinkles need to ironed out before taking the real leap?
-What resources would I truly need to become successful?

Well, that is a summary of the action plan for me and my family in 2008.  Here is a list of the post that I still want to make on this topic:
-Identifying the needs
-My stewardship package
-Roles to consider
-Conversation with Myself (expanded version)

Bucket Full and Yearly Themes

Bucket Full
Well, after a long hiatus, I am back at the keyboard.  Life has been overwhelmingly busy the last few months (primarily with work).  However, the workload has given me abundant windshield time, which is great for reflecting, meditation, and prayer.  My writing bucket is overflowing with a list of topics that I can't wait to unload here.  Many of the topics fall under a larger topic of my vision for future things - so I will set up my vision from the 30,000' level in the days ahead and then break it apart into smaller sections as we go along (with random rants mixed in as we go along - many of those I am sure as we are now full steam into a presidential election year!).  As part of that vision, I will lay out my plans for 2008, but I thought it might be helpful to first go back and briefly look at my main goal for 2007.

2007:  Year of the GOST (Getting Our S#%!/Stuff Together) 

I thought having a theme for our family each year would be fun, unifying, and impactful. Last year was our first attempt.  As a family we had a lot of loose ends that needed attention:

-make a will
-revise budget, track expenses and budget each week
-eat healthy
-develop rhythm (home maintenance, budgeting, reseting each night for next day, backing up all hard drives, etc.)
-move toward becoming "green" (recycle, conservation of energy, etc.)
-define personal beliefs (organize in mind for self)
-make decisions on choices pending in our future (roles to accept/drop, children's educational options, move?, etc.)
-begin organizing archived information (home video, pictures, sermon tapes, inventory of books, etc.)
-simplify our lives (clean out closets, automate tasks such as paying bills, move to becoming paperless, etc.)
-"death notebook" - package of things which would make the transition easier for family in the event I passed away suddenly (will, life insurance policy, passwords, financial account numbers, important phone numbers, videos for each child ala Hari Seldon in Foundation, etc.)

Although we still have much work to do on most of these items, we made some great progress, and I anticpate closing most of the loops by the end of March.

When I first thought of the theme idea, I wanted to really put some energy behind it:
-Banner to hang downstairs that had the theme of a picture of one of the Pac-Man ghosts on it (for a short time only - my wife would be so embarrased to let others see it!)
-Retreat for my wife and I to connect and plan
-Print tee-shirts for each member of the family - we would all have different colored shirts to be in alignment with the different colored pac-man ghosts (red-shadow/blinky, pink-speedy/pinky, cyan-bashful/inky, orange-pokey/clyde)
-have weekly review meetings to monitor our progress and renavigate if necessary

Unfortunately, I allowed the business of life to get us side-tracked from staying focused on the task at hand; so, there is still some work to be done, but I think we will have it done by the end of March.

I am really excited about the theme for 2008, and I look forward to posting about that tomorrow. 

Pale Blue Dot

Carl Sagan putting things into perspective. 

glumbert.com - Pale Blue Dot

Back in the Saddle

Well, after a 2 month hiatus I am back to populating Splinter Therapy.  My apologies to the hundreds of you who have been checking immediately after waking up each morning and then struggle to overcome depression the rest of the day upon learning yet another day has passed with no commentary from the Splinter Therapist.

As anyone knows who has read the blog with any consistency, I have struggled with knowing what and how to post on this blog.  I know I have wanted to write; I know I have wanted to organize my thinking; I know I have wanted to contribute to the underground revolution occuring within Christianity, but I just don't think the blog has been the place to get a lot of this work done.  So,...

Going forward I think I am just going to use the blog to show how my worldview intersects with the world:  news of the day, movies, tv shows, etc.    My hope is to post once a week.  The hope is to use the blog to give snapshots of my beliefs in the context of what is going on the world.  What is my take on this or that?  How would I have done things differently?  Etc. 

Several things were in the news of interest to me this week:  the raise in minimum wage, the release of Dr. Kevorkian, and an article I saw this morning by Peter Hitchens, the brother of Christopher Hitchens who wrote God is not Good:  How Religion Poisions Everything - man, those two could not be more different.

I hope to be back soon with some commentary on at least one of those items.

So What Happened? - Part 2 of 2

This is a continuation of another entry posted on March 3rd, 2007.

During the first meeting of the discussion group I am helping to form (www.reasonedfaith-knoxville.org) the three discussion leaders (of which I am one) will be sharing a little bit about their journeys.  Why do we find some of the orthodox answers unsatisfying?  Why are we question askers?  Below is a list of things that have opened me up to new ways of thinking.  This is also a list of things that keep me humble in my beliefs.   I don't predict you will ever find me in a place where I think I have a strangle hold on truth.  The first 7 reasons were posted on March 3rd.  To recap:

1.  My brain is pre-wired to be a question asker

2.  When I realized Santa Claus wasn't real, I asked "So what else isn't real?"

3.  Greek Mythology.  Will people living 2000 years from now look at my beliefs as I look at the people who bought off on the crazy mythology stories?

4.  History.  The dominant / popular religious view has always been shown to be wrong.

5.  Drinking Pledge.  I realized that leaders of the church in which I grew up steadfastly believed in things that they couldn't defend - just believed things because it was the "company line".

6.  Creation and Time. This is a book I read that made me realize that 1) the earth was not created in 6 24 hour days, and 2) showed me that truth cannot contradict; where it appears to, there must be a way to reconcile / reinterpret the data to find agreement.

7.  Paradigm Shifts in Science.  First, Newton who encouraged us to view the universe as a machine that could be controlled.  Then, modern physics which showed us that the universe is more mysterious than we originally thought after all.  In both cases the masses reacted violently to the implications because it crumbled the foundations of what was assumed to be true.

So, moving on to the last four...

8.  Student leader discussion group.  When I was a senior in college I became part of a group of people that was pretty diverse.  For the first time, I was engaging on a regular basis with people who did not conform to my beliefs.  Until that time I did not realize how sheltered my life had been. I was forced to defend my position on certain issues, and I realized that I couldn't do it.  My positions were not clearly defined in my mind and consequently as I tried expressing them to the group it mostly came out as nonsense (a lot like this blog!).  In fact, a lot of what I was trying to express seemed like nonsense to me as well (did I really believe that dead people clawed up through the dirt and walked around the streets of Jerusalem when Jesus was resurrected?).  When I went back to organize my thoughts so that I could better defend my position; I really began to question how strongly I believed what I claimed to base my life upon.  I noticed some cracks in my foundation that I had not noticed before.  The dike was about to break, but for security and safety reasons in my mind I was frantically running around in my mind trying to plug the holes in the dike.  I look back at many of the positions I defended and argued for during that time and am embarrased with my beliefs and my close-minded behavior.    

9.  Serving as a lay leader in my church.  For five years I was the leader of a community group at my current church (like a Sunday School class but with an emphasis on building community vs. teaching bible lessons).  That was a wonderful experience.  I was given a glimpse of what the church could be; to this day I believe that local groups of believers committed to spiritual transformation are the only hope the world has for surviving long-term.  Anyway, this experience was formational for me in three different ways:
     a.  It gave me the opportunity to form relationships with church leaders - staff and elders.  I realized by talking with them that many of them were just like my Sunday School teacher in high school - they had never questioned their faith; they had just blindly accepted the "truths" passed down to them.  They could not defend their faith.  This was frightening to me because even though I had questions I had assumed that those in church leadership had at some point asked those same questions and found some answers that allowed them to rest comfortably in orthodox teaching.  When I realized that they had not asked the questions, I began to wonder how far back you had to go to find a solid foundation.  The fact that our church leaders had not asked these questions seemed very irresponsible to me.  At that point, my eyes were opened to how incestual the church was - it was a bunch of people reinforcing each other's beliefs (even the books we were reading) and nobody ever questioning anything.  To become an elder at my church is a pretty rigorous process; a big part of it is identifying what you believe, but isn't just as, if not more, important to ask "why" do you believe what you believe?
     b.  I was completely turned off by church culture.  Everything was done poorly - people took advantage of being part of a culture where grace was expected and thus no accountability.  Nobody seemed to care - weren't we doing the most important work in the world?  Why is the commitment level so low?  Why are we not all centering our lives around banding together to expand the kingdom of God?    Did we believe this stuff or not?  If our actions are true indicators of what we believe, then I have to come to the conclusion that most (and I mean an overwhelming majority) of us were just going through the motions.  I hated going to leadership meetings because I always felt like a complainer - always pointing out things that I thought should be done differently.  At some point my mind may change, but as of right now, I no longer have any faith in any form of institutional religion.  (I have a dream in my head of what "church" should look like, and I long for the day if/when the dream manifests itself.) 
     c.  Ironically, the leadership of the church encouraged me to go through their "Ministry Leadership Institute".  This was a 2 year curriculum designed to prepare lay leaders for serving in leadership roles not only within the church walls but out in the world as well.   Prior to our first meeting we were asked to read A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren.  This book led me to landmark #10 in my journey:

10.  My Close Encounters of the Third Kind experience.   No, I have not had any experience with aliens from outer space - at least that I know of.  But, do you remember the movie? Richard Dreyfuss' character is building this crazy formation out of everything he can get his hands on - shaving cream, mashed potatoes, and then eventually he is hauling in dirt from outside into his living room.  He has no idea what he is making, and even says, "I have no idea what this is, but it feels important."  Then while working on the formation in his living room, he sees the same formation on TV; it is a mountain somewhere in a remote part of the country .  He knows right then and there that he has to go to it.  That is how I felt when I read A New Kind of Christian.  I not only had all these questions and doubts, but I had put together some strange theories in my mind of how all how it could all make sense - a way to eliminate many of the paradoxes and contradictions that surfaced when trying to assimilate orthodox teaching.  When I read that book, I realized that maybe I wasn't crazy after all.  It was as if the author of the book was in my head; it was a very surreal experience for me.  The book also made me realize that it wasn't just me and him, but there was a growing subculture of evangelical Christians who felt just as I did.  Knowing that I wasn't alone in my thinking, gave me the confidence to come out in the open a little bit at a time with my questions and doubts.  By doing so, I found others within the walls of my church who felt the same way.  At that point it was as if someone threw fire into the gasoline of my mind.  An explosion of ideas and questions surfaced, and I became extremely passionate about getting to the core of what I truly believed.  That book and finding others who resonated with it is what pushed me into the dark and dangerous tunnel of my doubts and questions.

11.  The concept of lenses.   Although it shows up in every aspect of life, it was through some work experiences that I realized that we all see the world through lenses - none of us can objectively evaluate truth; we call carry biases and prejudices that we are not even aware because they are so much of who we are.  Classic post-modernism states that no absolute truth exists.  I don't believe that; however I do believe that nobody should claim to have a stranglehold on truth because of the lenses we wear.   I believe that absolute truth does exist, but I think we are all blinded by degrees to seeing it clearly.  Until we admit this we don't see the need to try help each other see clearly; the answer is not to find as many people as you can who are wearing the same lenses you are wearing, but instead shouldn't be trying to see through lenses that our different than ours - thus getting a fresh perspective and understanding of truth?  There are huge implications to admitting that we all see through lenses - here are just two:
  -it opens you up to the belief that all religious traditions are simply people interpreting their experience of God through their cultural lens, and if so, are there any threads of truth that weave through all of them?
  -if you read the bible as if it were written by men (which it was), then you realize that they each had lenses/goggles as well.  For example, I can now see that the God of the OT was a warring/vengeful God because that was the experience of the people living at that time - it was a warring/territorial era. 

So, if I had to list 10 (or 11) landmarks in my life that have brought me to where I am in regard to questioning things, then that list can be seen above.  Although painful and scary, the journey has been very rewarding.  Just within the last 6 months I feel like I have landed on some core truths that I can build upon.  I am sure the deconstruction process is not fully complete, but I feel like I have finally began the reconstruction phase of my journey, and there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel after all.